Summer Intentions
“Summer time and the livin’s easy”… or, if you’re a parent, maybe not so easy? If you missed the February deadline to register your kids for umpteen different summer camps (all with different schedules and registration requirements), you may be racing to get your childcare needs met right now. Or you may be creating a poster-sized excel spreadsheet with all camps and summer activities prominently displayed so you *hopefully* won’t mix up any details. For those with kids staying at home, you may be scrolling through the Pinterest archives for fun at-home summer craft inspiration, checking out the local library activity guide, figuring out the pool hours for all nearby options, and snagging any and all deals for summer passes to the local zoo, museum, and aquarium. Summer planning is W.O.R.K.
Whether you have a packed schedule or a more low-key approach to summer, it’s easy for parents to focus all summer intentions on their kids. What will make their summer one to remember?! Let’s take a step back, though. As the one coordinating all of the pieces of the summertime puzzle, think about what you want this summer.
As a parent, it’s easy to overlook our own wants and needs when we are preoccupied with making sure everyone else’s needs and wants are being met. So, let’s pause for a moment. Take a breath (Yes, now. Yes, a deep one). How would your ideal summer look in this particular season of life? What aspects of summer bring you the most joy? Are you yearning for some adventure now that your kids are a little older? Are you longing for an open schedule without too many time constraints, so you can drift through your day without being rushed for the first time all year? Are there any season-specific hobbies or sports that you enjoy, but often forget to make time for (or just don’t prioritize)?
When we are approaching summer, my kids and I enjoy keeping a running “summer fun list” where we write down ideas for small or big adventures that feel seasonal, as well as activities we enjoy but don’t get much time for while school is in session. (Shout out to Laura Vanderkam’s “Tranquility by Tuesday” for this seasonal ritual). It helps to structure my planning so that we can truly prioritize the things we want to do each summer. Some of the list is kid-specific, but most of it includes things we all enjoy doing together. A few things are just for me (imagine that!).
Summer can be a huge transition time for everyone in the family. It’s a great opportunity to look at other day-to-day tasks and see if anything needs a refresh so that your summer days can flow more easily. Consider meal planning, for example. If you’re going to be spending all day at the beach or zoo, you may be physically exhausted by dinnertime (and not up for cooking that hour-long recipe you had in mind). Adapting your household work to meet the new summer needs can be a gamechanger. In this case, opting for a meal delivery service to outsource some of your meal planning and shopping may be a good option. Having a few 15-minutes-or-less recipes to rotate through on “big adventure” or beach days may work well. If kids are home with more time on their hands, can they take on an extra household chore or two? This not only fosters responsibility on their part, but it allows you to be more available and present to share in the summer fun.
Similarly, it is important to consider what your own needs are to feel regulated. Consider scheduling consistent “free” days to recharge or do something spontaneous. Talk to your partner about giving each other a day or night “off” to do something for yourself. (Maybe you’d like to go to the beach without hauling 100 pounds of kid gear with you!) If your kids will be spending more time with you than they do during the school year, what things might you need to avoid feeling burnt out? Establishing a daily “quiet time,” stocking up on activities that kids can do at home independently, or even adjusting your screen time rules to reflect more time at home can offer you some much needed R&R.
Consider your summer expectations and examine if they are realistic. Maybe you really want to spend every single day at the beach, but then you realize that your 2-year-old loves to throw sand and your 6-year-old is a daredevil in the ocean and you, unfortunately, do not have eight arms to ensure everyone is safe the entire time. You may want to allocate one day of the week as “beach day” (or “beach 1.5 hours”) and come up with some backup activities (say, a hose in the backyard, or that friend with the amazing community pool). Expectation gaps are often a source of parental dysregulation. This happens when you, as parent, expect your child to act a certain way or a situation to go a certain way and then it doesn’t (oftentimes because of age-appropriate development that we tend to forget about because maybe our kid was great at the beach that one time last summer and now they are a year older so they should be able to handle it, right?!). If you find yourself banging your head against a wall throughout the summer because your kids aren’t acting as you anticipated, go back to your expectation and ask yourself if you’ve accidentally set the bar too high.
So, what are you looking to get out of your summer? And an even bigger question: How can you support yourself and make it happen?
Image: Jason Mavrommatis via Unsplash